To be gay and Catholic is to be mired in a web of what seem like contradictions. The church condemns “homosexual acts,” yet as much as 58 percent of the priests may be gay themselves, according to a 2000 estimate.
The religion is based on love, incarnate in the person of Jesus. Yet my love remains designated by the church an “objective disorder.”
And so when I realized I was gay as a later teenager, I spent a lot of time asking why it had to be me, why this cross was the one I’d been chosen to bear.
I asked myself what childhood trauma I must’ve gone through that made me this way. Either way, I figured, if these feelings didn’t go away, celibacy wasn’t that much of a price to pay for eternal life.
And people already called me “Father John” in jest, so maybe the priesthood was the right career path.